Curtis, you're on page 11 so time for a new thread!
Originally Posted by curtis7
Early last week, WW was contacted by OM2 (25 year old pickup artist AP) asking how she was doing. She replied she was thinking of contacting him the night before to see how he was doing but chickened out. They also discussed OM3 and she replied how he snapped a couple times on her, but she would keep going back to him as she said the problem is he is very...persuasive.
Then she texted OM2: "To be honest I was in a bad place for awhile. My pure selfishness hit me hard. Ugly and shameful. I'm so sorry. I really appreciate you telling me you're okay."
How do you know so much detail about their convos? You already know she's engaging in affairs. So don't snoop, because it'll just drive you crazy and you won't learn anything you don't already know.
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I really don't know what to make of this exchange with OM2. She clearly is still thinking of him and OM3. I just don't see her going full NC on her own. I've given her the benefit of the doubt so often since BD and I'm really over it.
First what you need to make of it is she is having an affair. She's cheating on you. She's done with you. So you need to react accordingly. You seem to be hanging onto this idea that she's still one foot in the M, well she's not. She's a full-blown wayward with both feet out the door. Maybe she'll come back some day but not anytime soon. Second, benefit of the doubt? Why would you give your cheating W the benefit of the doubt? She's cheating! I'm sorry if my driving that point home hurts, but it seems like you're in denial over how serious this is.
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She needs to do the hard work. Even tonight I'm spinning a bit on whether to extend an olive branch and tell her that I will listen to her explanation about OM3.
She's not going to do any hard work, medium work or even easy work for a long time. Let go of the idea that she's coming around soon, she's not. As for an explanation on OM3, why bother. An affair is an affair is an affair. There is no "explanation" that can reason it away.
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That lasted for about 10 minutes, before I concluded that it will probably be more lies.
Yes, lying and secrecy (withholding of information is another form of lying) go hand-in-hand with affairs.
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Who knows, I'm not a mind reader, does anyone think I should give her the benefit of the doubt and allow her to explain? If it is less than full disclosure or contains lies, then I end the call/talk immediately? Or do I let this marinate longer and let her come back to me if she ever wants to explain herself?
None of that. YOU work on YOU. Detach. GAL. Leave her alone. You've got to build some distance between the two of you before she might start to miss you. And I don't mean 48 hours of NC! We're talking months of little to no contact.
