What bothers me was how easy it seemed, which is also dangerous.
This seems to tell me you are leaning towards standing.
I had a very strong response to this. There is an enormous hidden NGS factor.
Am I standing because I am completely in touch with my values, and have very strong conviction that it is the right choice?
Or am I standing because I want to identify with the type of person who would stand? (NGS factor #1)
Or am I standing because I don't have the self-respect to walk away from a toxic situation? (NGS factor #2)
Or am I standing because I am repeating basic people-pleasing behavior? (NGS factor #3)
Or am I standing because I'm afraid of taking the next step on my journey of personal growth? (NGS factor #4)
#1 is the really bothersome one for me.
Why am I standing? Today... I have no idea. I guess I would say "for the kids" but I think that is not sufficient enough reason. Do I have hope that our MR can get back to a loving, caring relationship? Honestly, I don't think so. And if not, my kids will suffer, we will not be modeling a healthy partnership for them.
I just wonder if I'm lying to myself. I wonder if I'm hiding behind my kids so I don't have to make a decision. Today I really can't give any other reason for why I am standing. It's 100% "for the kids." That's the last pillar holding this up, and it's getting wobbly.
The encounter with the grocery store woman certainly spun me for a loop, but all the above thoughts have already been there.
