Persistent Endurance (Part 5)

[curtis7]

You keep asking the same questions. I promise you will keep getting the same answers.

You keep doing the same things with you WW, I promise you will keep getting the same results!

You know the answers, I truly believe, you don't won't to deal with the outcome. Guess what, nobody does. Stop doing the same things. If she threatens you with a D, don't let that bother you, why would you, you are her third option right now. Ha third option. I used ha, lol.

So no, don't ask for an explanation!!!! You don't need, you just WANT it.

Please, please, please, start respecting yourself, because your WW sure isn't. How can you expect another person to start respecting you, when you aren't respecting yourself.

Joe, on the third day of NC, why called pissed off that I wasn't responding to her texts about the kids and the horse. So, I'm the bad guy for ignoring her after she sent me an errant text about OM3. I said why would you expect me to respond when you told me your other relationships would be over when you agreed to attend Rville, then I get a text that indicates they are clearly ongoing. From there I mostly listened. She said OM3 was a friend that she likes to talk to and that he was pissing her off. She said even yesterday he was trying to give her parenting advice about our kids. She said he can be a real jerk and flip for no reason, but she still wants to be in contact with him (she must be "in-love"). She admitted to having sex with him. She said the relationship will never work out because he lives 2 hours away, won't leave his job, and she won't give up custody. However, she won't break it off, because she can't get over why she would be doing that if she felt differently about me.

The things she said about the OM were compounding lies. She would speak in half-truths and lie upon lie to cover up her misdeeds to make herself out to be less awful than she's been. I just told her that I need honesty so we can put all of this behind us once and for all and move forward. She said neither of us can get passed this. I told her you don't know what I can and cannot forgive. Forgiveness is for me and that is for me to decide. She said she's had to distance herself from friends and family because they are judging her and say what they think she should be doing (work on the MR), but it doesn't agree with how she feels or what she wants, so she feels guilty and is conflicted.

She justified her feelings by saying my changes are manipulation to get her back, they won't last, and that I won't get what I want. I told her my changes are for me and the person I want to be going forward. She continued on into full MLC spew about always having to wait to get what she wants, that we aren't getting any younger, others judging her and taking my side due to the S, and how the kids will be fine.

I read your post yesterday and didn't want to repeat myself, I didn't know what else to say. But yes, your W will get mad and be confused.

Have you set a parenting schedule so that you don't have to text your W about it? Have you figured out a plan to get her horse under her care so that you don't have to text your W about it? These are kind of important things that need to be figured out. Once you have a plan, you stick to it and THEN there is nothing to talk about. But just going NC without taking care of stuff first is strange IMO.

Yes, parenting schedule is set along with horse care.

I told her that we should limit contact to emergency issues related to the kids only. She said I'm trying to punish her and that me not contacting her and refusing to take care of her horse is vindictive. Then, she accused me of being like divorced BFF's XH. She said we need to be able to talk about the kids. I told her if she calls, I will hand the phone to the kids. Regarding the horse, I said you fired me as your H over 9 months ago, I'm done taking care of your horse.

I told her that I can't continue this arrangement waiting for her to decide. I ended the call by saying as long as you are in contact with OM, then I need to protect myself, and limit my contact with you only as it relates to the kids. She fired back "Other Men", there are not "Other Men, don't make me out to be a f'n whore." I said fine, whatever, OM3.

The call did not go well and was more of the same as expected. I remained calm and collected throughout with some validation. Much of the spew was not deserving of validation. I don't think I'm worse off than I was. She had the opportunity to be open and honest, but once again chose the path of rampant lies. I should have shut it down after the first lie, or at the beginning of the call for that matter, but continued to listen to find out if she had made any positive movement. She reinforced her lack of feelings and respect for me. I feel she still completely resents me, seemingly no progress on that front in 9+ months.

As expected, W met with her L yesterday afternoon for a couple hours to work on sealing my fate. I feel she is setting all of this up according to her initial plan of being physically separated for about 6 months. Making sure she had her own place, could get her feet under her, and live on her own. Then, end the MR, showing friends and family that she gave it time and decided D was the right choice.

I plan to stay dim/dark in the weeks ahead and improve my DBing. She has a ton of work to do on herself. I just don't see her putting in the effort on that front. She's still a long ways off from rock bottom. If she brings up D, or paperwork arrives, I'm prepared emotionally for that outcome. I expect it at this point. I guess you could say my expectations are zero for saving my MR and high for it coming to an end.