Persistent Endurance (Part 5)

[curtis7]

I really don't know what to say to you anymore. Did you really think acknowledging the anniversary was going to make her melt and run back to your arms? You can't play family with her, be her farm hand and her therapist and then go no contact for two days and not answer her routine questions. You're inconsistencies are going to are likely just to piss her off. Don't get me wrong it's ok to piss her off but only when you're commanding respect.

I really wish you would actually try DB but apparently you know better then AS, Sandi, Joejoe, Neffer etc.

Lastly I saw your post on Kikos thread and he gave you great advice. Retroville is not for your situation.

LH, no I didn't think the anniversary photo text of my kids would have any bearing on how she feels about me. I sent it for myself. Our wedding day was one of the greatest days of my life. I'm still married to her (legally) and I wanted to acknowledge the occasion and let her know it wasn't all bad and good things did come out of it.

I agree that the family activities and feeding her cake followed by NC seem inconsistent, but there was clearly a catalyst here when she sent me the inadvertent text about OM3 that she should understand.

The Retrouvaille situation was a catch 22 for me. I had zero expectations she would say yes, but didn't want to have regrets in the future that I didn't try everything while fighting for my MR. I was prepared to confront and start the D process and was shocked when she agreed. This extended my timeline again. I realize my situation and where she's at mentally is not conducive for the program to be effective. My thought was if there was even a 1 in 100, 1 in 1000, or 1 in 1,000,000 chance, then it's worth a weekend of my life to try and save my MR and family.

I'm not discounting the DB guidance provided by the experts here. It has done wonders on letting her words and actions have less and less of an impact on me. I've come to grips that my old MR is over and she is so far off in la la land that it may take years for her to come out. I want to be in a loving relationship, if not with her, then with someone else. My patience is gone. I have been mentally tired and drained for months. I have put up with so much poor behavior and disrespect and it devastated my emotional well being for a long time. I have picked myself up and recovered. Rebuilt myself into the man I want to be going forward. My kids will know in the future that I did all I could. I didn't take the easy path, I didn't follow so many others in today's cut and run culture. I stood for what I believe in until I had no fight left. The problem is that I married a quitter and I couldn't force her to change, accelerate her journey, or escape her fantasies and addiction.