Separated and sorted #2

[unchien]

I decided to let myself connect with people - but only to the point of "friends", and only people I knew for a long time in real life. In large gatherings or at events with many people, I allow myself to be friendly with women that I've known as mutual friends with W - but that is all, and no talk about my MR. The new friends I have made or old friends I've rekindled friendships with have strictly been male.

I made a decision that I would do this as long as I am standing, as long as we are IHS, as long as we are not D. It is a single solitary decision that I made on my own after much internal debate, and it is what i am doing at this moment.

I would recommend thinking about making a deal with yourself that you can live with, if you decide to stand. Sort of setting your own self a boundary.

I am really struggling with these things.

I have 2 friends where we live (since we relocated just a couple years ago). One has been amazing, the other is a mutual friend that I have kept out of things. I have so much alone time now, I'm trying hard to occupy myself and do social things, work out, etc. But it does feel lonely.

I've joined a men's support group, but it almost feels like redoing DB 101. A lot of empathy when what I'm looking for is some 2x4's.

And the anger I feel lately towards my situation and my W is growing, not abating. I question how many more months I can make it, or whether there is any point when things feel so toxic right now.

I would not beat yourself up over a single interaction, U. You are aware enough to realize that it set off these alarm bells and it cause you enough concern to stop yourself and assess the situation.

It's never easy doing the hard work, checking yourself, when it seems like it would be so simple to go towards something new.

Again, I would think about what you want. And how long you are willing to wait.

I don't feel particularly guilty about the interaction. What bothers me was how easy it seemed, which is also dangerous.

My R was 21 yrs long. I am in no way shape.or form ready for something new - it would be a rebound and i would absolutely bring in the same issues. I do not want to go through this all over again. My plan (if you want to call it that) is tentatively to let myself breathe and be me for the next 4 or 5 yrs. That may change later, I dont know. But right now, it feels about right.

I am not in shape for anything new either. 4-5 years I don't know.

I have this crazy idea that if things don't work out with my W, I will approach life with zero outcome expectations. Friendships, romantic relationships, whatever. Expectations cause so many problems.

Sometimes when life gives us lemons, we have to eat our [censored] lemons

I love this, thank you!

I would look at it as a great ego-booster - nothing more. The universe let you have a break for a few moments - and you realized that you were worth something. You saw that you did have value. And you were able to recognize that.

Yep, that was it. I realized my W was considering D about 6 months ago, but in reality I have unloved and unvalued for roughly 2 years now. It was an ego boost to have some female attention. Maybe too much of a boost.

If you decide you are standing, take the win - and keep on your journey

I wrestle with this decision every day.