Before we left, I had offered for H to have some extra time with D4 once we got back, as he was missing 2 of his days because of our trip. He was appreciative and asked if we weren’t back too late maybe he’d come when we got home on Sunday (today). I told him I wasn’t exactly sure what time we’d be back but that would be fine with me. I assumed he’d be in touch to get our eta. Yesterday afternoon he texted me that since he didn’t know what time we’d back he made other plans, and he’ll see us Monday. This was really upsetting to me.
OK so... it's completely understandable you are upset after your H expressed maybe sorta wanting to see D4.
You two need to be ultra specific about dates and times and places. It might be annoying to have to pin down your H like that, but D4 will suffer when there is ambiguity. This will help you, even though it will feel strange at first.
This same thing happened between my W and I two weeks ago, partly my fault, partly hers, and I will never let it happen again. We didn't close communication on a specific hand-off time.
Originally Posted by HopeCA
The main reason I was upset was that just a couple of days ago he was getting ready eyed talking about wanting to be more involved in D4s life. And here is an opportunity to see her after she’s been gone for 3 nights, and he figured he’d just make other plans. It’s baffling to me and it breaks my heart for D4. It makes no sense in regards to the way he talked about this topic so recently.
One would think, right?
However... there must be a term for this kind of thinking. It's not really a covert contract, but along the same lines. "Because A happened, I expect B will happen." Your H is not going to think the same way you do. I am completely in alignment with how you feel here, but as you can see it's a waste of your precious emotional energy to assume your H would think or feel like you do.
Also if he says again "maybe I'll see D4" I would absolutely pin him down. Any maybe is a no. If it's a yes, he darned well better show up on time.
Originally Posted by HopeCA
I was really upset, but I just responded “ok, that’s fine. FYI I had already told her she was going to see you, but I’ll let her know it will be Monday instead”. He responded: “oh f***, ok. Thanks for letting know”. I can’t make sense of it but it really bothers me, mainly on behalf of my daughter. UGH.
You handled this perfectly, you let him know D4 was expecting him, and didn't get sucked into a text battle. Well done.
