Persistent Endurance (Part 5)

[curtis7]

Journaling.

Filling in some gaps in the week leading up to WW's inadvertent text to me about OM3.

Last weekend we held a birthday party for D5. W and I got along well with the setup and hosting the event with friends. It was a very special day for our D. I was thinking to myself throughout that this could be the last family get together that I participate in with her.

Early last week, WW was contacted by OM2 (25 year old pickup artist AP) asking how she was doing. She replied she was thinking of contacting him the night before to see how he was doing but chickened out. They also discussed OM3 and she replied how he snapped a couple times on her, but she would keep going back to him as she said the problem is he is very...persuasive.

Then she texted OM2: "To be honest I was in a bad place for awhile. My pure selfishness hit me hard. Ugly and shameful. I'm so sorry. I really appreciate you telling me you're okay."

I really don't know what to make of this exchange with OM2. She clearly is still thinking of him and OM3. I just don't see her going full NC on her own. I've given her the benefit of the doubt so often since BD and I'm really over it. She needs to do the hard work. Even tonight I'm spinning a bit on whether to extend an olive branch and tell her that I will listen to her explanation about OM3. That lasted for about 10 minutes, before I concluded that it will probably be more lies. The problem I have is this lingering notion in the back of my head that perhaps she is slowly trying to end her contact with the OM and she needs to do it her own way and on her own timeline.

Who knows, I'm not a mind reader, does anyone think I should give her the benefit of the doubt and allow her to explain? If it is less than full disclosure or contains lies, then I end the call/talk immediately? Or do I let this marinate longer and let her come back to me if she ever wants to explain herself?

W and I also reached a milestone last week. 15th wedding anniversary. She did not acknowledge the momentous occasion all day. When I got home from work, she was on the lawn tractor mowing the horse pasture. I guess that was my gift. I did make a 3 picture collage of photos of the kids that she had not seen previously and texted it to her late evening. I included the following text overlay "It's worth remembering we did some things right" and added the anniversary date. She simply replied "awww, thank you." I replied "Thank you for mowing the pasture, I know you have a lot to juggle and don't know how you do it." She replied "You seem to be doing a great job." I wasn't broken up about her not recognizing the anniversary, my primary thought was wondering if there will be a 16th next year.

I've been NC for 48 hours. She has only sent 5 texts during this time which were about watching D5 during S8's baseball assessments, horse feeding instructions from the boarder, kid exchange time, and asking who was feeding horses tonight. I responded to none of the texts. I dropped the kids at her place, watched them walk in the house, and didn't get out of the car.

If I could predict the future, I expect her to contact a L on Monday and start the D process. This is usually her impulsive response or threat when she doesn't like the way I'm treating her or when I'm "icing" her and not responding.