Last time I was at her house for kid exchange I noticed two hand written notes on her fridge: “You are toxic to everyone around you. STOP!!!” and “Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you made. If you want a different result, make a different choice!”
Interesting! It's as if those are her sticky-reminders. They are certainly directed at herself, and with some anger.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
