4 months in....(Re: Advice needed)

[Family Man]

Hi Kirsty, Absolutely too much pressure. He is not your son who you advise and guide, he is your H. He seems to want the status of H and the commitment of a son. A son doesn't need to shoulder the burdens of a relationship he just expects his mum to provide.

This journey is hard for you, very hard. I think the best way for you is to detach completely from any relationship expectation. He cannot be there for you right now so accept it. When you see any signs he is behaving as an H let him know. Otherwise stay dark. He is not in a position to negotiate right now because he is behaving as a child. If he describes his predicament to his friends they will tell him( if they're mature themselves ). Look for the good signs and be as patient as you would be if he had any other diagnosed mental illness. Don't be guilt-tripped by a manipulating child. Stay firm and understand you must look after your own needs while he is indulging in his fantasy. He may or may not come back but it is not your fault. Do what you need to do to get through this-you are only human.