wow, great synchronicity. Just had my ex be nice tonight and send me some dinner over when she picked up the kid (no worries I am not getting confused on where I stand). so i was hovering over the board to see if someones post inspired me, and caught my thread on the top. Great song sugggestion Unchien Thanks!!
B.D in December 2018 Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019 Divorced May 2019 H (me) 49 W (her) 29
Listening to Stranglers "Skin Deep" and when he says stuff like "better watch out for the skin deep" or "Cause brother, you've only got 2 hands to lend" it seems like I am only now getting it.
Cant recall if I mentioned it in my previous texts with you, but man Trent Reznor has some great lyrics. Seems all of his songs are about being rejected. Some sparse lyrics.
======= "I just made you up to hurt myself"
"Sometimes It's just that nothing seems worth saving I can't watch her slip away I won't let you fall apart"
"None of this really matters Any more Yes I am alone But then again I always was As far back as I can tell I think maybe it's because Because you were never really real To begin with"
"That me that you know used to have feelings But the blood has stopped pumping and he's left to decay The me that you know is now made up of wires And even when I'm right with you I'm so far away"
"Nice and high and far apart Just like they said I built this place with broken parts Just like they said You chip away the old version of you You'd be surprised at what you can do I'm safe in here Irrelevant Just like they said My voice just echoes off these walls You feel me breathe I am watching you I see it all The many ways you can't get to me I see it all"
======
OK, I may have gone down a dark place, but these songs give me hope. They help me rebuild my "circuitry" as NIN would put it.
B.D in December 2018 Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019 Divorced May 2019 H (me) 49 W (her) 29
On the one hand I have wonderfull news in that I got offered a position as an engineer with a great company back in the USA. But I keep thinking of my toddler that I will leave behind with the divorced wife.
We are divorced half a year now. I dont feel bad when I am not with her. I have made my peace, sort of. I cry less.
But most of our interactions are her attempting to bait me into a fight. It is unrelentless and full force. I really dont know how much more a man can take. Many of my friends and family have said that I have been too patient thru all of this. Well, its not like we have a choice when you have a kid. I dont want to leave my little man behind so to say. So I deal with her crap to be with the kid.
Once I move for work next week, I will be gone for a long time and will not see the little one and will be dependent on her good will to skype so i can see the kid. I was at her new place earlier. Pure madness. A new dog, pooping all over. The kid being happy and jumping. My only reason for being there was to return the kid to her and to deliver her groceries (extra good will effort on my part). I also want to invest some time on child proofing the place, I added window bars the other day since they are on the 3rd floor and the window swings open and a toddler can easily fall out. Tonight I was looking at her electrical panel to make sure there was a power relay to allow for leaks or short circuits. Its a life saver and mandatory but these old houses dont usually have them.
While I am trying to put in good work for them, her insults came hard. "Why are you in my house? Dont you think its time you left" she said.
I picked up my stuff and left.
2 minutes ago she was telling me about her day and to work on the computer later.
2 days ago she was trying to convince me that I am probably gay.. which I am not. The attacks are laughable.
Fathers LBS my heart goes out to you. We didnt sign up for this crap. We have to raise a kid dealing with a madman.
Sigh...
B.D in December 2018 Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019 Divorced May 2019 H (me) 49 W (her) 29
So we have been divorced now for 6 months and even living in different coutries. I am back in the USA for work, to support my alimony checks.
Of course she is still emotional and argumentative and blames me for all.
No matter how much I give or do I am always at fault. We skype so I can see the kid, and she complains about how difficult it is to raise it alone. How I didn't leave her my car. Which I offered and she called a piece of junk back then. And I prepaid alimony till the end of the year. But still she is pointing fingers at me.
Like an immature 4 year old. Who thinks the world revolves around her.
I really don't know what to do. Every time we talk I smoke again, even though I quit this year.
I know the advice is to validate her. I cant. Really I cant anymore. She keeps adding to the list. It has tired me tremendously.
Wonder if the vets, pros or anyone really has any advice on how to handle this.
I know this is hard on her. But all of this was her choice. All of it. Its not my fault the greener pastures didn't exist. We all know that here.
B.D in December 2018 Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019 Divorced May 2019 H (me) 49 W (her) 29
Shes your exww now. Do you have some hope of R? If not then why validate anything? Just ignore her. Thats what I do with my exww. Of she sends me emails or texts that have nothing to do with the kids I dont respond. I ignore her.
I saw my exww last night at one of my kids school activities. She was tearing up when my son ran to me when I pulled up. Seriously. BPD is strong. You need to get to where I am. I am indifferent to her. She has no impact on my life. She literally doesnt matter anymore. Only the kids and my life matter.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
GZ, very sorry you're still getting treated so poorly by her. I'm in complete agreement with ST, don't validate personal attacks. Normally I would say draw a boundary and tell her you will not be treated that way and hang up on her if needed, but unfortunately you've got to suffer it just to be able to talk to your kid it sounds like. I would suggest just not engaging at all. She attacks, you act bored and say "can I speak to (name) now please."
thanks guys, as you put it AS, any contact we have is because of our kid. But she milks it for everything, knowing my love for him.
So her concern is that she wants the car I left behind. To drive the kid to school on cold winter days coming up.
She makes a valid point, but when I offered it last month she turned it down. Now my dad has it.
I got my dad to agree to pick up the kid at her place on the cold days and drive him to school. But she doesn't want to see my dad. She only wants the car.
Whenever I would reason with her in the past, she acted like she had it all planned. Now that its collapsing - like we all knew it would - she is even crazier.
She made this choice. I hate to clean it up. By making my dad her chauffer now, by me paying big alimony checks. By always keeping my temper in control, to not have my son see all this.
Man, we should we very careful who we decide to have kids with. I thought I was, but human beings are great at hiding the dark side. Until they don't.
I don't want to bore you with all this, as we are all fighting a version of this. Of that I am sure.
B.D in December 2018 Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019 Divorced May 2019 H (me) 49 W (her) 29
I have a back hoe and a lot of property with coyotes if you need a viable solution... Lol..Sorry you are dealing with hell hath and fury all for the sake of seeing your kid.
