I get a text from the babysitter about something (The W is on the string), the lady behind the window was off getting a copy of something so I answered the text. About 30 sec later I get a call from the W. I can't answer because the lady is coming back so I hit the "go to VM" button. She calls my work phone immediately. This is basically code for this is important. The SSA lady is basically done so I send to VM, knowing I'll be calling back in like, two minutes.
I call back ask what's up and she starts in on me about why I couldn't answer but I could text? I thought about it and decided it would be worth answering because she needed to get past this so I could get the info she wanted to give me that was worth calling my work phone for. I said I was getting the SSN and couldn't answer. W "But you could answer the text?" I said yes. She basically blabs about me not telling the truth blah blah blah again. I said, it's unfortunate you can't believe me when I tell you the truth. She then tells me "Well, I wanted to tell you the permission for the adoption for our S came through." Then we get cut off. She's never hung up on me before so I didn't think that was it. That's big news so I called back.
That was a mistake....
She starts saying how she understands that part of this situation is her fault but I need to know that I'm part of the reason we are where we are. I validated that yes, I realize that I have a part in the erosion of our marriage but I accept no responsibility for her poor decision making that led us the this crisis. She asked who did I admit that to? I said, you...and that I'm sorry that maybe she is recalling our conversation differently. She spouts off about how perfect I think I am blah blah blah. I said thank you. Then, "I don't want to continue this conversation when you are in the mindset you're in and I'll talk to you later." The last thing I heard while hanging up was her raising her voice to "My mindset!!!!"
I'm soooo mad right now that she ruined that news. We've been fighting for this adoption for almost a year and a half. This was supposed to be happy news. I guess I'm going to take it as still happy news so she can't control my feelings.
I sure wanted to share that news with my wife instead of this alien....
I'm starting IC tonight and need her to be home. I hope she shows up so I can go.
She was so civil this morning...
I asked her if she would be home tonight by 430 to watch the kids because I had to go out. She said where? I said Dr's appt. She asked if I was Ok. I said yes, I'm going to go see a therapist, that I have some things I need to take care of that I'm going to need some help with.
I figured I would share that info so she could see that 1. I was taking care of things for myself and that 2. Her infidelity had consequences that went beyond what is between her ears. I know that's really not going to get through to her right now but It's the only way to let her know how much this has affected me without telling her how devastated I am or appearing to pursue.
To be honest with everyone here, with the way my head is now and that I'm new at this, I'm not sure if I'm justifying or being reasonable. I 'm trying to detach and do 180s while still balancing boundaries, validating and being cordial.
Last edited by Ske0187; 08/22/1903:20 PM.
Me 56 W 42 T14 M12 ILYBINILWY 08/07/19 BD 08/11/19 Discovered Whaaaat? 2 Kids One DD 30mos Adopted from Foster 12/18 One DS 17mos Adopting First week of Sept 19 Separate BR 08/15/19
