If I were to distill it down to one thought from that list it would be this one:
"Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life."
When you get to the point where nothing your WAS says or does affects you personally, then you are detached. I'm not saying you don't feel empathy for them, I'm saying that your feelings aren't driven by their feelings. This is how I used to put it (haven't said this in quite a while):
Attached: Spouse angry = you angry Spouse happy = you happy Spouse sad = you sad
Detached: Spouse angry = you happy Spouse happy = you happy Spouse sad = you happy
