I texted her tonight saying (a) hope her shoudler is feeling better and (b) hope she has a nice holiday. I wanted to say "miss you" but didn't. That was hard.
She simply replied saying she will be fine, then asked me to hoover the house and empty the bins when she's gone!
I just replied "Yes I can do that." - is this ok validating?
OK well first of all, I get that you want to help her because of her hurt shoulder so go ahead and clean up her place but man, let that be the end of it. She isn't even giving you the friend-zone, she's giving you the housekeeper-zone. You absolutely, positively do not want to be her housekeeper. She already has no respect for you, do you think mopping and vacuuming and scrubbing her floors and taking out her trash are going to help her gain respect for you and see you as an alpha male?
Second I think you misunderstand what validation is. You might want to go back to the links Cadet sent you originally and read them again. Validation is seeking out someone's feelings and acknowledging and accepting them.
VALIDATION: "I don't want to talk about it." "You sound angry, is that how you feel?" "No, I'm frustrated with you because of XYZ." "Oh I can understand why that would frustrate you, I'm sorry you feel frustrated. Thank you for talking about it, I will work on being better about XYZ."
