Took me up until this very moment Uni to finally dispel my resentment, my attitude, my anger about my lines in the sand being crossed over house, over being ignored, chastized, blame shamed, gas lit, feeling like an ATM, discarded for only when they need something, being discarded, self differentiating, etc. Sometimes a f@$! em attitude is healthy, sometimes its hurtful. I just want to D just on principle alone at this point. There is no benefit to M the way things are. You are you, they are them, you are who your are now, they are them now. Just what it is. Took the kid out for ice cream, and got a few toys at Wal-Mart. Had a great time. I noticed when it's just me and him, the world melts away, even the STBXW. I feel like a big kid with him and I absolutely love it and the simple things. I'm still stuck until the the appraisal and buyout. But looking forward to new life and new freedom when it does finally happen.
I guess where I'm going with this is maybe its time to take a break. A break from MC and break from the W, a break from D busting, they want you to go just away for now. So just exit gracefully and bow out. We are all awesome individuals in our own right and our own worth. Flaws and all. I realized peace and detachment is achieved when we step back from what is ailing us. If they cannot recognize our worth. Then all we can do is focus on ourselves, our growth, and our kids.
What is detachment to each of you here? Im curious? I'm sure each if you have their own personal definition. Mine is I am free to be myself without judgement from myself or from others. That I can improve, reflect, create, plan goals, and be myself, good, bad, and ugly, without having it bother me anymore what someone else, W family, friends, strangers, etc reflect on my self worth. That is how I let go with love, without resentment, with forgiveness, but still understanding what has been done, what cannot be undone, and what I am no longer willing to settle for. Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to walk away from it. Thank you guys for helping me find my balance.
