Warning, these are not good detached thoughts. I’m trying to purge them out before I see H this afternoon. I sense him being extra careful around me lately, my guess is that he is trying to make sure not to give me any false hope. Some people here have said that I didn’t push him to file D papers, that his doing it shows that it was inevitable and I just may have sped it along. I guess that’s a good thing, but it doesn’t feel like it now. He probably could have gone on in limbo for years. I couldn’t have. But, maybe I could have or should have been more patient. Part of me misses the mixed signals, they gave me hope. But my hope was only hurting me, and keeping me hanging on. Not that I’ve let go yet, obviously. But I believe what everyone says, that letting go is the only possibility for a chance at recon. I’m trying. I wish I were stronger. I wish I had that “his loss” feeling. And honestly I wish he did too.
