I'm going to press you a little harder on something, and I hope you don't take it as some sort of a judgmental attitude, because it's not. Your W is giving you a gift - she may never trust you or accept you back. This is the time in your life to pull yourself together and address all of your baggage. I'm not saying take her at her word for all your flaws, but also don't dismiss everything as "just an issue with the porn."
There are two levels to addressing your issues. One way is the surface way. Stop with the porn. Go to IC. OK. You are doing this. You could move on with your life.
The second way is deeper. Can you connect this to underlying issues, maybe from your childhood? Can you really feel it deep down and understand how you absolutely have to change, not for your W, but for your own happiness. Can you get to a point where you can have 2 coexisting and conflicting thoughts in your head:
1. My W may have overblown her accusations. 2. I have issues which drove my behavior, and if I don't address them at their core, I will be leaving happiness on the table.
When you make deep and lasting change, it becomes evident to other people. It may become evident to your W. Through consistent actions and integrity, you will have opportunities to earn back her trust. There is no guarantee this will happen. But it will be 10000 times more effective than a letter.
This stuff is a mess. You have to balance a lot of questions. You want to take your W's input seriously, and not minimize it, but also stand firmly with your core values. This is not easy.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
