Received the DB Book yesterday from Amazon. Reading in my room being paranoid that she'll discover I'm hiding something. (I've never hidden anything but presents from her.)
Maybe get some innocuous book that is similar size and wrap the cover around it so you didn't have to worry about her seeing you read it. I only read mine when she wasn't around and hid it when she was.
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She's in the A with the coworker/peer so if I expose at work it's definitely going to blow back on me too. Unfortunately, think exposure may be the best chance I have of "forcing" her hand a bit to end the A.
I know there are some sites out there that recommend blowing the A up, but here we do not recommend it. The A is a symptom of your bad marriage, not the cause of it. The marriage went bad FIRST, THEN She had an A. So you've got to fix the cause, not the symptom. Now if she doesn't know that you know about the A and you want to confront her, then that's a different scenario. But when you do confront her, expect her to lie about it or go even deeper undercover with her activities. Because of this we typically say just to state something like "I know you are having an affair and I want you to know I consider it very disrespectful." Then if she asks for proof or denies it, don't get drawn in. Just say "you and I both know the truth" and walk away. But no, do not blow it up at work because even if that ends the affair she's not going to come back to you. She'll seek out another OM (and another and another). And she will likely resent you even more for exposing it.
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I have a dilemma. My wife is probably going to have surgery to resect part of her intestine due to endometriosis. So...Do I just take care of the kids or do some additional level of support for her? Must I still stay completely held back and detached?
Support her as much as she WANTS to be supported, which may be not at all. As shocking as that may sound, she may not want any help from you. After BD I snooped and saw a message from my XW to her BFF that said her WORST NIGHTMARE was thinking about getting sick and having me care for her. WOW! She wanted NOTHING from me after BD. So don't just assume she wants help, ask her how she would like you to help her. My XW ended up having a breast cancer scare after BD. She had to go through some treatments. I asked her if there was anything I could do for her and she said no. And that was that. Ironically she asks me for more help now then she did back then. Anyway, ask her, and then honor her wishes even if it's leaving her alone.
