Guess I'm standing. Was "now what?"

[BarbH]

My signature isn't showing up.

Quick recap. Me 57, H 60 (3 days ago). no children. Hobby farm, horses, dog, cats.

H: Morbidly afraid of dying-mother died when he was 23, father when he was 28, bff at 51, I was dx with breast cancer when he was 54.

M: Br ca at 50, mother with severe dementia-passed June 8,2019, father with mod. dementia still living alone at home, 1 hr from us. Working ++OT due to debt load after off work x 1 yr.

Anyway, H emotionally checks out of our marriage about 2 yrs ago. wants to retire-finances won't quite allow. I go to planner and say "here's how you can retire, but I want us to be happy (and we haven't for a couple of years) so we need help (this is not the first time I've suggested counselling). DB #1 June 4. "We're beyond talking". Mother passes June 8. I discover FB messages between H and "workfriend" he's flirting with. Also various messages between him and friends re: "POF/the gym is a "target rich environment". and various other grade 10 type sniggering comments.

He's absent during the 3 days I'm with my mother. June 14-he comes home "he loves me forever, it's always me, he'll do whatever it takes". June 19=1 hr before MC "theres no spark, we're done" BD#2

Since then: I think this is full blown MLC. He's living with sister, originally wanted to spend 4 nights there (while at work), then 4 at home to do chores. Tears, pursuing from me. Tears from him. "I don't want to hurt you" "I"m so confused" "i need space" etc. "you work too much" "the house isn't clean enough (!)". EA is over. He's at the gym, running and has bought a mountain bike (which he 3 weeks later told BIL he shouldn't have). Told me "our marriage ended 15 years ago" but wants me to stay on the farm for a year. (I'm okay with this, as renos/painting/purging needs doing, plus horses and other animals to deal with) He'll get me firewood etc (hence use of RV). His family says "they don't know who he is, he's changed so much". All previous interests have gone by the wayside. I think he hates me, family says he doesn't. I still hear "he's confused" and "give him space". Seriously, he's a hot mess.

I'm GALing/PMA'ing/ and finally starting to draw some lines in the sand. (see the previous post!).

OH and sorry, previous post-I was in town having dinner. I got home-he phoned and that was the conversation....I wasn't too clear.