I think the divorce really messed me up and sometimes wonder if I'll ever be normal again...but, what is normal? I do like the person that I've become, but sometimes think I care too much or am just too sensitive.
You are kind, caring, and sensitive. Traits that at times seem far too rare in this world.
I understand your wondering about becoming normal again, or maybe it’s just accepting the new normal. Yes divorce changes us. I like the person I’ve become and I’m glad to see you do as well.
Looking at it like that, maybe “messed me up” is not really the case.
I think it is a wonderful idea to get a kitty. You are correct you are ‘t replacing PJ. Each pet has their own personality, and they don’t and can’t replace a previous pet. They bring different joy and richness to us.
How soon to consider getting a kitty? Hard to say. I believe you are ready, caring, and would love having them around. That purpose and fulfillment you spoke of. And I also do see your concern regarding being too soon and grieving.
The two specific items that really bother you, the worries and fears. They are not silly.
It is most probable that you will outlive a cat. Worrying will not prevent it. And never having a pet just robs you of that joy and the good times. Yes, hurt and pain of loss happens, it is natural. The pain is worth it, when balanced against the gains.
I am also 51. I have two dogs, one old and one young. As the old one passes, we would get another dog. In this cycle, I have buried two dogs on my property; even have their own headstones, under the shade of a dogwood tree.
When my older dog passes on, do I get another? The two keep each other company when I am at work. So yes it is a good idea. At some point I will pass. My son’s and daughter have promised to look after them, much like your son. My advice, trust your son. He knows your wishes and he will honour them. Leave it at that. Let go the worry.
Originally Posted by tadpole1025
I know I shouldn't go through life like this and need to change the way I think, but I can't help it. This is how I think.
This is a broad statement. Your caring, kindness, and sensitive nature - I would not change that, you should live that way. The worry and fear that drags you around, I’m sure that would be welcomed to be diminished. I do hope you see and understand that these two views need not be linked. One does not demand the other. Being sensitive does not demand worry and fear.
I think you would like to alter and change the way you think. To start, the word “can’t”. Your mind is listening to all you say - more internally than here, but still the written word usually reflects our inner self. “Can’t” is powerful and leaves no room for possibilities for change. “Can’t right now” is better and allows room to change.
“Won’t” is really the best way to think about something instead of can’t. Not in a negative manner, in the view that “I won’t do something” totally puts you in control to change it when you are ready. And that set you up for “will”. I will do that. Positive and affirming. There is no time limit, yet it is confirming and produces results. Your mind is listening; using “will do that”, yeah your mind makes that happen.
Can’t, can, will, won’t - something to think about.
My two cents, get a kitty sooner rather than later. I’m sure you will be glad you did.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
