Divorce because I betrayed her trust - I regret it

[crdcheck]

Agree with the suggestions for personal growth. She's giving you the gift of space and time, make use of it. Who did she fall in love with? I'm guessing that it was someone who was confident, focused, and true to himself, not someone who was following her around like a lost lamb, begging and pleading. You don't have to go back to the person you were (he's gone anyway), get out, experiment, try new things, and find out who you want to be. If that turns out to be someone she wants to be with, great! And if not, well, do you want to be someone you are not?

Side note: agree with the advice to stop helping her to execute the divorce. I felt intense guilt at my transgressions and would have happily moved my W's stuff, piece by piece, by hand to prove my commitment and shame. I stopped doing anything I wasn't asked specifically to do (except, of course, anything that involved my daughter) and, even when she asked (which, as I'm finding, was rare - she has a sense of entitlement so it is usually more like "hey, someone needs to be here when the realtor comes to take pictures"), I generally had something [legitimately] better to do. In my mind, the divorce is my wife's project which I'm giving her the space to run as she sees fit. I will go to mediation sessions with her, I will review documents (e.g. house sale agreements) in a timely manner, but that's about it.

Now, to be fair (and R2C is probably thinking this) - I failed to heed advice from here, especially early on. I wanted to show what a good husband I was (and would be) by doing her laundry, giving her the holidays she wanted. And folks on this board said "you'll get nothing in return, she's vilified you." They were right. W was not happy that I didn't help with the divorce but I genuinely feel that she respects me now more than when she dropped the bomb, and probably more than she has in years. For what it's worth, I didn't even get a thank you for doing her laundry/picking up/etc./etc. So, learn from my mistakes as much as you can.

Finally, someone mentioned that this was due to you looking at porn and how your wife's response seems extreme. I have to agree - you should validate her emotions about this but the reality is that this betrayal is relatively light. What condition could your relationship have been in that this nudge would push it over the edge? I think that you need to look beyond the porn to understand the causes. Without a solid understanding of those getting back into an R w/ W will lead you to the same conclusion (and it is likely that an R with someone else may hit the same challenges - I suspect communication is an issue here).

As always, best of luck - I'm rooting for you.