Tonight is our weekly call to discuss various items. We share an agenda ahead of time.
I'm feeling incredibly anxious, and I'm kind of disappointed that I feel this way. And I'm disappointed that I'm disappointed, because I shouldn't be judging my emotions as "good" or "bad". Ugh.
During our last call my W got very emotional about negotiating over swapping a single day in our schedule. Tonight we have a huge list of items to cover -- schedule, finances, kids, budget. It will almost certainly last over an hour. Some of the items are quite minor in my mind, but we agree that we can both add items to the list.
I recognize I need to work on this anxiety. I can tolerate it now, but it is no less enjoyable. I don't react to it in "fight or flight" mode even though my body seems to want that.
The anxiety also feeds an emotional exhaustion.
One of the issues is timeshare. Right now we have a 4-10 schedule (counting nights), so I have every other Friday pm through Tuesday am. In the fall, due to my W's schedule, we have a couple weekends where we have to swap to keep everything lined up. My proposal was when this happens we slice the weekend in half, then just alternate who gets which slice whenever that happens. My W's proposal is I get one night and she gets the other 3.
I will stick to my stance here, it's just exhausting. I feel like I am being completely fair and coming up with a reasonable solution that maintains the existing timeshare. It's so tiring to negotiate, negotiate, negotiate and also DB.
We are working on a financial arrangement where we each have a separate account that will get some fixed amount of money per month. Now my W wants to talk about who pays for which family/friend's birthday gifts. Literally $10 gifts. This level of detail is just exhausting. It's more detailed than a D settlement (I think).
I feel like all I can do is continue to interact and not engage emotionally. It's so hard to do. It seems crazy how many logistical things we are discussing every week.
I know I need to just be calm and not react to my W's emotions. That is part of my NGS kicking in, worrying about her reactions. And wanting to run away from my problems...
