Lilly - I hope you feel good about the boundary you set. It's very common to get these strong reactions when we start setting boundaries, because our spouses are not used to this assertiveness.
I know it's hard not to worry about the reaction, but the more you set boundaries consistently, the more the other person will adjust and this will become the new normal. It does work. I know you are struggling but that's part of the process.
Have you ever heard of the concept of "exposure therapy?" Let's say you are afraid of crowds. In exposure therapy, you would gradually be exposed to crowds of people, and over time, you would learn to cope. (This is a layman's description).
Think of the strong emotions you are feeling as exposure therapy. You have been afraid to set boundaries, afraid of your H's reactions. Over time, as you continue to set boundaries, you will start to feel more comfortable and balanced. It will happen, trust the process.
