She was supposed to take me and I had no alternative but to ask her.
AnotherStander, great movie reference!! Uber? Lyft? If you enforce those boundaries (e.g., "She HAS to tell him it's over."), you may be finding independent alternatives all the time, so it's wise to begin thinking about how that'll work and getting more independent. She told you she didn't want to talk to you--it's almost like ignoring her wishes and pushing her to talk and do a favor didn't help.
Originally Posted by "Ske0187"
"If you can only talk to me about the kids and finances then we don't need to talk about anything.".. she goes off on me about, "It's OK to talk to me if YOU need something!"
"I get we weren't talking, so you're frustrated I texted to remind you about driving me today. You feel like you don't get to talk, but I get to talk, which isn't equal." It sounds like she's open to discussing some issues.
Originally Posted by "Ske0187"
I asked how how much it costs. With major attitude, she asks why. I said, "because I'm not going to pay for your cosmetic procedure so you can look good because I don't benefit from it." So, she steers the conversation towards separation of finances.
I get where you're coming from. "Before, the Botox was for ME and now it's for HIM." If she got Botox for years even before the affair, maybe she does the treatments for HER to feel good about herself.
Consider given you're married, in most jurisdictions, the money belongs to both of you. "I'M not going to pay.." By TAKING CONTROL of the shared money and STOPPING her from using it in customary ways, you're (a) mashing her "controlling" button and (b) steering towards a separation of finances discussion. Once she gets her half of any home(s), money, car(s), income(s)--she's back in control of whether or not to do Botox.
Beyond that, how would you even enforce this boundary? In my jurisdiction, if she disobeys you and gets Botox on a credit card, even a new credit card, since you're married you wouldn't have any recourse.
We're all a ball of emotions after BD. Try to slow down dramatic actions.
