Adam, those are some heavy updates there! Your W at one point said you are putting too much pressure on her and I agree. I would suggest you back off of her quite a bit. She does need to rebuild the trust but you can't keep hounding her about where she is and what she's doing all the time or it will backfire. Seems like you want her 100% all-in right now and she's trying to be but she's getting the impression that it's never enough for you. Just pull back and give this time to sort out. She's still got a lot of emotions swirling. Hopefully she follows through with the counseling, I think that will help.
And do try to get to RV, the two of you are struggling with communication right now and RV will give you some great tools for that. Tell her you've talked to people that have gone and that they highly recommend it for building communication skills. It is relationship-focused too, but the main thrust of it is building new paths to communicate better. Some people around here have called me a "validation guru", most of what I learned about validation was at RV.
