Still here. Still not detached... (Part 4)

[Chris73]

Thanks LH19. I never responded. And you're right, at least the ex is being respectful enough to comply... even if making him leave the house while I'm there is a little silly.

I still feel as if the EX is very unstable and/or afraid of making waves with OM. Here's why:

Last night I called her to talk about back to school plans. I suggested that the night before the first day of school would be a nice opportunity for the 4 of us to have dinner as a way of ending the summer and setting the expectations for the school year. She objected immediately and said that there really isn't anything to talk about with the kids. They know what's expected of them and they don't need to hear us go over it with them again. I wanted to argue with her, but I didn't.

...the idea of having the occasional family meal, post-breakup, was suggested by our family therapist a couple of years ago, as a way for the kids to see that our family is still a unit even if the dynamics have changed. Since then I have suggested at least a dozen times that we have one of these meals... neutral territory, not at either parent's house... but EX is always reluctant. The one and only time she complied was last October when we met for bagels on a Sunday morning. I tried to get her to address this reluctance in a therapy session, and her reasoning was that she "didn't want to give the kids the wrong idea about us getting back together."

And 2 years ago, there was some legitimacy in that excuse. But since then, I have never pursued, pushed, argued, pleaded, or done anything else to give her the impression that I want to reconcile. When we communicate it's completely about the kids. I don't ask her about her life. If she asks me about mine, my answers are short.

Anyway, I think I'm done suggesting these "family" meals, and I'm just going to focus on making the most of the time that I spend with my kids. From time to time I hear things like, "Well mom lets us do (such and such) at her house." and it drives me crazy. But I have to remember to stand my ground and continue to enforce MY rules/boundaries with the kids, regardless of what she does. I know they'll hate me for it now, but maybe they'll respect me for it later in life.

But I'm using this forum to speculate... Is she reluctant to have a family meal because it's awkward for her? Or maybe because she doesn't want piss off OM?