Classic story. We were totally happy. Had great sex but not very often. Once or twice every couple months. She never complained or brought it up. I was tired from work all the time so no biggie right!!!??? For years she complains about me not helping her around the house and I知 communicating my displeasure at her delivery pointing that out. She feels I知 taking her for granted. Then no more nagging. SWEET! Right???
A lot of marriages fall apart because one of the partners (sometimes both) is harboring resentment and not telling the other about it. So usually when it finally blows up, the unknowing party feels blind-sided. But in fact it's been building up for a long time. I'm sure you saw in DR that the "no more nagging" thing is actually a huge red flag that the bomb is about to drop.
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Up until that point she totally withdrew hated smart phones but was now constantly on hers. I mean constantly. Would periodically accuse me of cheating, look at my phone, make the absolute WILDEST accusations.
All very typical and part of it. My XW used to quite literally fall asleep with hers in her hand whereas before BD she didn't even know where she had left it most of the time. Here we are years later and when I am around her, sometimes for hours, I never see her look at it.
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I知 a laid-back dude but this was a lot so I told her this was a 50-50 thing.
Don't say that to her. You need to own your part, let her sort through what she needs to own. At first she'll say it's all your fault but eventually she'll realize she has her own issues to deal with.
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I致e been reading for about a week and have started the 180s. She痴 pissed! She says I知 ignoring her. (I知 not) just withdrawn and cordial. No change whatsoever when the kids are around.
She doesn't want you to change or fix your issues. She wants to blame you, period. So when you start listening and validating, giving her time and space, being a better dad, working on you, it will make her VERY angry. She'll shout "too little too late!!!" and "why couldn't you change before when there was still a chance????" Just listen and validate and keep up with your changes. EVENTUALLY it'll have a positive impact on her, but not initially. This is the long game.
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I screwed up and told her I wouldn稚 file D or help her in anyway except working out details of property, visitation and child support. I知 going to retract that.
NO DON'T RETRACT IT!! That was absolutely the right thing to say! Your attitude should be "I don't want this but I understand you do and I will respect your wishes and not stand in your way. But I will not do the work for you, because it's not what I want."
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I laid down some boundaries.
She has to tell him its over.
Boundaries are meaningless without ramifications. What are the ramifications if she does not comply with this boundary?
