But now I see I missed a major opportunity to validate his feelings.
There will always be more opportunities. Show me a perfect validator and I'll show you a liar.
Originally Posted by HopeCA
It also makes me see that it’s very possible that the biggest thing standing between us is his fear. And I don’t know what I can do to heal that fear if he won’t give me a chance to do so...
Hope, you can't heal his fear. Only he can do that.
What you *can* do is work on your emotional awareness and finding your equilibrium. You have a lot of strong emotions cycling, and I sense that you are fighting them, that you have an aversion to them. Accept them. They are real, and they are just as valid as any other emotion. Also, don't worry about what you are projecting. Unless you are Meryl Streep, you aren't going to be a good enough actress -- so the more you find your emotional center, the less you will have to worry about what you are projecting because everything will come naturally.
I'm sorry you are going through a rough phase. It's so difficult to be in those valleys and feel anything but hopelessness and sorrow.
I think your H's dream and the fact he shared it is interesting. It could be blame and shame. Or it could be that he's giving you some valuable input. Either way, all of the above about working on your emotional balance would still be the right thing to do I think.
I am really trying to stop autobiographically hijacking threads, but I thought this might be useful: My W and I have hit a point where it is clear her fear is preventing any further progress in our MR. The reason her fear has been exposed as the main blocker is because of the months of work I have done on myself: Detaching, DB'ing, GAL'ing, not getting triggered, and finding my emotional center. I am more authentic.
If you want him to handle his fear, strip everything else away. Then, and only then, he might deal with facing his fear directly.
