It does seem like you feel uncomfortable not knowing which direction to go and maybe that discomfort is taking up a lot of your headspace lately? Just an impression I have -- maybe granting yourself a healthy reprieve to let go of this question for awhile would help you carve out some mental space? Another one of those Zen paradoxical ideas...
That is exactly and precisely it. I don't feel pressured by H and I don't feel worried, really, about his behaviour. I don't really trust him yet and that it what it is. I will interact with him in short doses outside my home while he continues to show me respect and a total lack of abusive behaviours, and I will see what happens. I don't worry about that decision, because I've already made it. I worry about what happens next, and the fact that I don't know. I think you're right and I just have to accept that I don't know and stop trying to unpick it and find an answer for myself.
Originally Posted by FlySolo
Unchien is right. He still occupies too much of your head. Even though your allowing him to be responsible for his actions, you [i] still [i] focus your attention too much on his actions. This is OK by the way, but it would be better if his actions spurred something in you instead of just on him.
Thanks Fly. And it is good to see you back here? You and Dilly and 97Hope went MIA all at the same time and I was a bit lonely here! And yes, I do think my focus is on him. Perhaps not for his own sake, but in terms of analysing his behaviour as a way to see if I can get an answer to what I want. And if I can just accept that I don't have the answer yet and concentrate on making my own life as happy as I can, that will never be wrong.
I have good GAL plans this week. Since H and I have become more relaxed and friendly he will come in the evenings and sit with Youngest (it really isn't great for Youngest to spend the night at his place on a school night or on the nights that H starts work at 7am) and hang out with Eldest a bit while I GAL. He's been very willing and flexible on that, which is great for me. So I am out for dinner with friends on Wednesday night. Thursday I take a visit to a city a couple of hour away for a work meeting, but am going to browse some shops afterwards as H is on childcare duty and no need to hurry home. Friday I am having a friend round to my place for a meal in the evening.
