Thanks Bttrfly & Neffer. It feels good to be living the real life. I am happier than I’ve been in a long time. But there are still days when I do miss being a family...when my H was still a part of it and not the ghost he was for the last five years of it. Still...we did love each other once. I am grateful for the experience and for all of the blessings my marriage brought me despite how it ended. At the end of the day, I hope he is too.
Journaling a bit... Day 2 of my 15 days off. Yesterday was great. The kids are at their dad’s until Wednesday so Jack is spending some of that time with me. He and I went out to the lake to hang out with my sister, BIL and friends. We didn’t get out on the boat until late as it took awhile for the clouds to burn off but we still got a decent amount of time on it so it didn’t disappoint. We decided not to stay out there so returned to my house late last night and have had a lazy morning. Jack is napping as I’m typing this.
Starting to think more and more about the end of the summer coming and Jack going back to work. I have no doubt he will find something, just not sure where that will be and if it will result in him living closer to me or further away. I really do have very strong feelings for him... I just feel myself holding back a bit until he is back working and I have a better idea of the viability of our relationship long term. Still not sure exactly what I want from it or conversely, what I am able to give to it and I’m not sure where he is at either. I am so hardwired to want to know this stuff...lol. Really fighting against my programming trying to just stay in the here and now.
