Guess I'm standing. Was "now what?"

[BarbH]

Thanks Grace. I know I'm over analyzing everything. I'm sitting here convincing myself to rope drop. Seriously, how hard should that be considering he never talks to me anymore? Just money/business texts back and forth.

I had awesome plans, today I managed to walk, mow the lawn, still convincing myself to work out-I'm having a seriously downer day, sitting up here on the farm, wondering what the h*** is going on.

I can't lock him out, as he's joint owner so legally can come and go. That was originally his plan "4 days at sister's while working, then home for 4 days to do chores". Until last week he was actually letting me know what he was doing, but nothing now, so if he shows up its a surprise. I have a couple of friends up here that I can go to for visit if he comes. If he's civil, fine, but if not, I'll need to ask him to leave. (had to do that 2 weeks ago, hasn't been back except to dogsit while I went away).

What do I make of the things BIL is telling me? That he "misses me" and he's bursting into random tears? Clearly, not missing me enough, or sad enough, or whatever enough. He told me 2 weeks ago that "he had to hit rock bottom" whatever that means. It's 2 months since BD#2, apparently (according to him) 15 years since our marriage ended. It's horrible to think that someone I loved (and still do) and that I thought loved me, I think is now actually indifferent to me.

So I'm resolving to LRT/DB as best I can, but I'm feeling it's academic at this point, as we have so little contact. The emotional detachment is the hardest part-I think I'll talk to my therapist about that.

I read about what yours did with the finances, just when you think you've seen it all, right? It's awful, when you think things are a little positive, and then the rug gets pulled out again.

Barb