Exactly! I have no doubt there is some emotional trigger there. Just recognize it and move on with your day... you just handled your business in a calm respectful way. Well done
I think it's normal to feel guilty when standing up for yourself, especially if it doesn't come naturally.
Originally Posted by LillyL
but also that hopefully this will put things into perspective for him + the kids.
Ignore any expectation of the outcome with your H. It will help you detach (and also help with the guilt).
The more you can find your own center, and ignore what he is thinking or how he will react, the more confident you will be and the easier this will all become. Obviously you can choose whether and how to take his needs into account. And note that none of that necessarily means you are creating conflict. You may find yourself making decisions that align with your H's needs, but they are coming from your own center and your own values.
Personally I think it's healthier for the kids to see the change. It would be more confusing for them to see you two in the same house.
Originally Posted by LillyL
The validation is nice! Thank you!!
Haha yeah just paying it forward. This forum pulled me out of a dark place a few months back.
After I laid out the boundary with H about not staying in my home he says okay... then nothing last night also no contact today.
The kids haven’t mentioned anything about H so I’m not going to make them call or anything like that. I feel like this is a detachment / no contact standoff...
Positive note. I’m getting back into IC next week on Wednesday.
It feels like a standoff because it feels unnatural to change how you interact with your H. Maybe you have some worry about how your H is taking it.
It truly does not matter. He could be angry or indifferent or relieved or any number of things. The less you worry about that the better. Things will feel more natural over time.
