Spoke with brother-in-law today (H is staying at their place). I still keep getting the "he's confused" story. apparently on his birthday yesterday, he said "he missed me on his birthday". He's also randomly bursting into tears. BIL also said that he never, ever says anything negative about me-even when reviewing the financial situation. Told BIL he "shouldn't have bought that mountain bike". However, even BIL agrees it will take months for him to sort this out, if ever. EA is over, according to BIL, which I sensed a couple of weeks ago.
I guess I'm standing. At least for now. I told BIL I would be kind, and I will try-that "loving detachment" that sounds so good, and is so hard.
However, on the way home, I began thinking about boundaries. I don't know if H is still planning on coming home on his days off, he hasn't said lately. His next set of 4 days off starts Monday. He's living out of a suitcase right now, so I imagine at some point he will come home, as his initial plan was to come home on days off to "do chores". I need to think about this, and what my cutoff point will be to ask him to leave again.
I'm also curious as to once we sort out the finances, and each of our monthly expenses drops by $1000....will he actually move out/get his own place at that point? And how will I handle that. I need to start emotionally prepping for that one.
I can't believe I'm actually encouraged by small things-I texted H that the bank visit today went well, and that I was emailing him copies of the paperwork. No answer for a few hours-then I got "Thank you, it's been a busy day". I just said "You're welcome" Holy moly, I actually got an explanation as to the delay. 2 thank yous in 2 days. This is a step up from "C U later" of a few weeks ago. Talk about over-analysis.
I'm finding this whole experience to be just bizarre.
Not back to work until Thursday. Plans: Sunday-workout, regular sunday am walk with friends, yardwork. Monday: workout, organize 2nd guest room (packing up his stuff so if I have guests, they have somewhere to sleep). Farrier coming for horses. Tuesday: workout, Town, visit dad, dinner with friends from out of town. Wednesday: workout, Hmmm....kayaking? Dog hike? I'll find something.
Thank you all again.
Me: 57 H:60 Married: 25 yrs DB #1 June 4/19 "I love you forever" June 14/19 DB#2: June 19/19 ILYBINILWY
