Not struggling quite as much

[Jim1234]

Something my therapist said a few weeks ago kept resonating with me..... "Now that your W has opened the door to R, can you move forward in your relationship with GF, and not keep looking back, wondering, "what if I had tried again with W"", and "if the answer is no, is that fair to your GF?" After a lot of thought, the answer to both questions is no, I can't keep from wondering what if, and no, it wouldn't be fair to GF, so at the beginning of the week I talked to GF and told her I was going to continue talking to W. She was obviously very upset, and kept reminding me that I was making a choice to return to W, rather than move forward with GF. It was a very emotional goodbye for both of us.

The next day I sat down with W again. We talked a little about how the relationship would be different, and how I failed to meet her needs, but I understood my failure and was resolved to improve, and how she failed to meet my needs in the relationship but still didn't really know what my needs are. We made some small talk and tried to enjoy each other's company, but the easy banter wasn't really there. I started to wonder "OMG what have I done?" and "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it." In the end, I figured it would take a little while to relax. We discussed just going to a movie next week, and she said, kind of excitedly, "oh, like a date?"

The next day I saw my therapist, who surprised me by suggesting that we not focus on my needs, and just enjoy each other's company. She believes my needs will be met in the course of developing a normal relationship, and focusing on them makes me needy. That was an issue of mine in our marriage, and made me less of an alpha. That's something I'm going to have to think about.

That afternoon S19 flew in for the weekend. I picked him up, and we decided we'd go out for dinner with D17. I invited W along, and she joined us. It was nice, but not really warm, and conversation between us was still a bit strained. i guess I just don't know if the magic is gone, or it will just require some time and effort.