I’m having a particularly hard day. Really missing the family feeling, when H and D4 and I used to get up on weekends and figure out what we wanted to do and go on adventures. Yes, I still can and do do this with D4, but right now I really miss when it was the 3 of us.
As a result, I’m really struggling (again) with the feeling of regret about the degree to which I may have pushed H to file the D papers. It had been a year and I was fed up with him continuing to threaten it and not doing it. I guess I hit my patience limit in that moment. But now I question why I couldn’t have just continued to be patient, and wishing I had. I do not want D, so I should not have pushed it. It’s confusing, because I really did feel that way at that point, and now I get a feeling of dread to think that maybe things would be different had I not pushed it. I know there’s nothing I can do about it now but detach and work on myself, but this is really bothering me. Was I just being impatient and blew it? Or was I doing what needed to be done? I’m jus not sure anymore.
