Now what?

[BarbH]

Thanks again for being here. It's only been 2 months since BD#2. I think i have it sort of together and then I fall apart again. So many questions, and so few answers. I just know he's getting farther and farther away. I know from reading everyone's threads that the drifting away is what happens/what needs to happen. It's just so incredibly painful to have all our years gone without any effort on his part. I know I shouldn't be looking for logic, but it's just that I've been rejected for some nebulous dream of his. I'm bracing myself for him finding a PA. I don't think that's happened yet, but it's probably coming, right? All his nice words about "needing space" and "trying to find a path back" were just that, words.

Now that he's finally coming face to face with our financial picture, which I have been trying to deal with and talk to him about for 6 years-I feel like this will be another black mark against me. He won't be able to see what his contribution was to this at all. All I heard about last time was how I "wouldn't let him buy another snowmobile or build a cabin at the property"....it all just feels so unfair. Ha but nothing is fair is it?

I'm sure once financing is sorted out, he'll be moving out for good. I know i said I was done, and Job, I think it was you that said "it's not over". Words of wisdom for sure. I am simultaneously sad/wishful/hopeful/aching.

New counsellor on the 27th. (last one not covered by my benefits). I'm not even sure what I want to deal with. So much loss in my life the past few years. She's pro-marriage, pro-short term goal directed therapy, which at one point he said he was interested in trying. Then he said "but it's all artificial" so no.

Peacetoday-I will hang in. I just miss him so much. I never thought I was this needy a person. I want the man I married back, my best friend. I want to rebuild our marriage stronger and better. But....I know I need to build myself stronger and better.

I am blabbing away now.