I just wonder whether I'm creating roadblocks by treating her differently than I would anyone else (if someone texts me a funny pic I acknowledge it, if someone invites me in to see their home I join, regardless of relationship). Feels like she could take it as I'm bitter and cutting her out completely, door is closed. But message is coming in loud and clear from both of you (and others). Better that she feel the loss rather than enjoy the benefits without investing.
For now you need to cut her out of her life as much as is reasonable. You didn't just get BD'd by all those other people who are texting you funny pics or inviting you in, so yeah, that's a pretty big difference My take on this is after you drop the rope and detach, THEN if you are OK with being in the friend zone with her then more power to you, go for it. But it can take well over a year post-BD for you to well and truly detach. Until then you should maintain as much space between the two of you as you can.
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It's a bit of a mental chasm - the idea that we have to be nothing (and I have to enforce that despite her entreaties) before we can (MAYBE) be together.
Yes that is exactly right. Nothing is often better than something when it comes to paving the road to recon. The problem is nothing doesn't FEEL better. It goes against our nature. Especially us guys. We want to get in there and tinker and poke and prod and temperature check and analyze and calculate and make spreadsheets and calculate the odds, LOL! That's our instincts in play, but we've got to fight that. Get's easier with time.
My take on this is after you drop the rope and detach, THEN if you are OK with being in the friend zone with her then more power to you, go for it. But it can take well over a year post-BD for you to well and truly detach. Until then you should maintain as much space between the two of you as you can.
