As far as "keeping the way home paved and smooth", that doesn't mean to be her bestie. It doesn't mean be out there paving and repaving and paving again every day, what it means is you don't set up any roadblocks and you don't dig any potholes. See the difference? You're not actively trying to pursue or pull her back in, but you're also not doing anything to sabotage a future recon. Don't be mean, don't pick fights, don't be catty, don't talk to her friends and relatives about how "crazy" she is. Just live your life and let her live hers. Most recons I've seen come after a long, quiet period of little to no interaction.
Yep, makes sense. I just wonder whether I'm creating roadblocks by treating her differently than I would anyone else (if someone texts me a funny pic I acknowledge it, if someone invites me in to see their home I join, regardless of relationship). Feels like she could take it as I'm bitter and cutting her out completely, door is closed. But message is coming in loud and clear from both of you (and others). Better that she feel the loss rather than enjoy the benefits without investing.
And I guess that I have to come to terms with the idea that, while R is best (to me), second best is being separate, not being her friend (or whatever). It's a bit of a mental chasm - the idea that we have to be nothing (and I have to enforce that despite her entreaties) before we can (MAYBE) be together.
M(35), W(35), D(4) M-9, T-12 Bomb Drop (D announcement) - May 3, 2019 W moved out Aug 13 House sold Sept 25 Papers signed Nov 15 Divorce finalized Dec 12
