So today is day 7 since going dark. Wife has made zero attempts to reach out as of now. I'm starting to feel anxious, but keep trying to stay busy. I started putting her clothes into bags to reclaim my closet space, so it's kinda making me feel a little emotional. I know I'll feel better once her clothes are out of sight. Hopefully once my son comes home I'll feel a bit more "normal". Scheduled a breakfast with a friend for Thursday; Trying to reconnect with people. It's difficult, because we actually moved 3 hours away from our home town, and all of my friends are back there. Trying to stay strong!!!
Hang in there Tony. I remember the day I emptied my bedroom closet of XH’s stuff. It was tough but I couldn’t let it sit there any longer as it just reminded me that he wasn’t there. Now I barely remember what it was like to have his stuff in there. Keep doing what you are doing. It WILL get better. I promise it will. The sun will shine again. You will reconnect with old friends and meet new ones. The pain will lessen. You will one day look back and have a hard time remembering how upset you were. Have faith. Believe that you will laugh and love again. It will happen but you just have to get through this part first. Keep posting. Know that you are not alone and there are many people on here who have survived and thrived after BD. GAL and work on your PMA. It will pay off in the end. (((HUGS)))
Today is day 9 going dark. WAW still has made no outreach. It makes me sad, but I really do feel like we're done. This is the longest we've gone without contact. I know it's good for me overall, just still struggling with acceptance. Taking one day at a time. I did do some GAL activities today. Met a friend for breakfast. It was nice to be out around other people for a change. Also called some old friends, and a couple of them are coming into town this weekend to hang out. This is definitely a 180 for me. My son will be coming home this weekend, so hopefully some normalcy will return. Thanks all for your support!
Hey Tony. Keep strong. Dont count the days. Accept that shes most likely not going to reach out. Accept that Tony needs to take care of Tony. You need to enjoy every moment of your life. Take a second and pay attention to your senses. What can you smell? What can you feel? What do you see? Thats living in the right now.
If you start thinking about her you will get anxious and sad. Just think of something else immediately or do something immediately to keep busy and keep your mind on yourself.
9 days is nothing. These feelings are fleeting.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Honestly "going dark" doesn't really count until you've done it for months and months. When people do these daily countdowns it kind of smacks of expectations. Have no expectations.
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WAW still has made no outreach. It makes me sad, but I really do feel like we're done.
You're coming to this conclusion after having been here a month and gone dark for 9 days? You did read Cadet's links, DR and other threads here, right? When everyone keeps saying this is a "marathon", I would hope you would understand from that that the timeline you are facing is a year or more. WAS's all speak in absolutes- "we will NEVER get back together" and such. It's just a reflection of her current feelings, but her feelings can and will change down the road.
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This is the longest we've gone without contact.
I know it's hard, but try to get used to it. This is what she wants for now.
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Met a friend for breakfast. It was nice to be out around other people for a change. Also called some old friends, and a couple of them are coming into town this weekend to hang out.
I'm definitely trying to not count the days. It's been really difficult, but I'm trying to keep busy. I know that counting the days doesn't benefit myself at all, and 9 days really are not much. It's just such a complete change (albeit a good one). The whole time since she left the house, we've still remained in contact every day. I know and understand now that was a mistake, and was allowing her to keep cake-eating.
I know I have to be OK with letting go. Some days I am, and some days I'm not. I'm trying to make new friends to keep myself busy. I have no family or friends within 3 hours, so it's been mostly phone conversations.
My son comes home this weekend, and I'm nervous, because my wife and I haven't even discussed logistics of him staying where, etc. Previously, when I tried discussing it with her, she blew me off. She's also told him she was coming home at the end of the summer, which I think is setting him up for some heartache.
I know this is what she wants right now, and am trying to respect that. I have read all the links and am currently digging through DR. I know this is a marathon, and it'll take me some time to come to grips. Yesterday was a weak day for me; Continued moving some of her stuff out of sight, and think it was making me emotional. Gonna give that a break for a couple days and just try to focus on GAL this weekend. Just gonna try and have some fun/enjoy some hobbies
