Just came home after night shift. His birthday is weighing on my mind. 60-and we were going to start retirement. Instead here I am, depressed as all get out today, teary and sad. It feels like my heart is ripping out of my chest. There's no one else to talk to at this time of the day, so here I am. I just need to tell someone. I wish I could fast forward a year and be in a better place, or I wish that he'd come back. Bedtime, then dog walk, then girlfriends tonight for crib. You know you're getting old when the big Friday night is a girl's crib night. I'm afraid even saying "Happy Birthday" might be interpreted as sarcasm. I'm afraid not acknowledging is interpreted as not caring at all. I never thought saying Happy Birthday to my husband would be an issue.
Me: 57 H:60 Married: 25 yrs DB #1 June 4/19 "I love you forever" June 14/19 DB#2: June 19/19 ILYBINILWY
