No tattoo yet, but it's still in the wings. I have a full Pinterest page dedicated to fine-tuning my idea. I've reached out to a friend who works at a local shop (he pierces) and got his opinion on which artist would suit the style I'm looking for. I'm not backing out but I am slowing down to be sure it suits me just right.
But know what? Etsy has temporary tattoos. And I found one in the style I am looking for. So I bought one for $11 and I'm wearing it now to see if I like the placement. I do! So that helps solidify my plans. But Divorce and moving is expensive, so I think I'll delay until I'm feeling a bit more confident in my finances.
I have been drinking way too much black coffee though - so you nailed it.
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Originally Posted by FlySolo
Our M had problems. Those problems were on both of us. Habit, poor communication, taking each other for granted. He became depressed (I think he would have become depressed no matter what) and he focused on our problems as the reason for his depression.
This is pretty spot on. Your whole description. I get it, and thank you for expanding on why you aren't feeling one-sided blame towards him. I read a lot of folks who really feel the "blame game" towards their spouse, and you stand out from that, so I wanted to hear your thoughts.
You're likely right he would have become depressed no matter what. Sometimes I wonder what a spouse can do to keep a spouse from the edge of depression. And I don't think there is anything. I really don't. I think we can put all of our energy on being 100% connected, and joyful, and adventurous but the demons still bubble up. Depression is such a solo journey.
Originally Posted by flySolo
I don't know how we even start to find each other again.
The only suggestion I have is physical space. You've been in this place where you must interact, and that's hard. I think it extends the rollercoaster, but you don't have any other way about it.
I guess my point is I don't think you should attempt to project your feelings of the future. Of course you don't know how to find one another again - that means you're not there yet and you're not ready. If the time comes you'll know how. And I don't want you to assume it will happen or assume that it will never happen. We have no idea, so don't close the door you're not being asked to walk through.
