Persistent Endurance (Part 5)

[ovrrnbw]

She said she would only commit to participating through Saturday.

Too hard to give up a whole weekend for the marriage? I guess that's the value she places on it.

Being judged by others.

Yea, everyone is already judging her, and her feelings about people judging her for her terrible actions are more important that how she has hurt you.

I asked her to help me understand this more and she basically stated that she doesn't believe in MR and implied that she can't be (or doesn't want to be) monogamous.

That's a secular view as well as Christian. She can't be monogamous? How were you able to hold your food down?

I don't know if I should have challenged her on OM3 or not.

NOOOOO. Never again. Stop bringing up the OM. She is always going to be able to find another OM. The OM is not the problem, she is!

She said "It's me, I don't know if I can get over my transgressions." She said she hasn't been single in her life except one month between her sophomore and junior years in high school.

Apparently she has forgotten how marriage works and needed to vocalize this to remind herself.

She said we are good friends right now and that's it.

Good lord, Curtis.

At the moment, still a green light for Retrouvaille with a partial commitment for the weekend.

I'm not sure why you think that. Because you pressured her into an R talk where she stated she can't be monogamous and she sees you as a friend only and is fine disrespecting you openly and behind your back and that she is hurting financially (oh poor her!)?

I feel like telling her that she will not know how she feels about me and us until she breaks off all contact with the OM.

And she will lie to you and say "OK maybe" or just remind you how she doesn't want to be monogamous and how she loves the "single life". Why would you ever say that? In her mind y'all aren't married. In your mind you are still married to her. You have to come to peace with the difference there.

Not sure where to go from here, ask for NC with OM? Or let things ride, let her fix her own problems, be the lighthouse, and wait for Rville?

How about get rid of the horse, set a parenting schedule, tell her not come over, and tell her only to call in case of emergencies. When she shows up to pick up the kids you send them outside. When you pick up the kids you don't go inside. YOU go NC with your W.

Your acting like Did, a poster we had here for a while who never let go. And believe me I was in your shoes Curtis. I made all the mistakes too. Try giving your W some real space. Just a few weeks ago you were ready to file for D. Now you're trying to pressure her back into the MR. If you keep this up, you're going just file for D without ever giving yourself or your W that space.