Now what?

[BarbH]

Well, I think some reality is hitting. We were supposed to talk about sep. agreement last night. He texted and asked for all of our log in banking information, including my credit cards! I said no. I told him I've listed out the debts as of June 19 (sep. day). I told him I would continue to send him the applicable statements while we are still splitting the payment load. Then he said "I'm trying to get my head around the finances". and "I can't meet tonight, its very stressful regarding the money situation, not in a good frame of mind". I've been trying to talk to him about finances for the past 5 years.

my answer "Fair enough, yes we can certainly agree on the stress level! I still think if we can swing some kind of refinance it gets us both some space." He agreed. I told him I'm meeting with our bank on saturday. his answer "OK. Keep me posted. I am back at work tomorrow".

then he asked how I came up with the June 19 separation date! This date is etched in my mind. It was when we were supposed to start counselling, and instead I got the "I love you but there's no spark" speech and "we're done". I told him "that's the date we met up and you said we were done". No reply.

I actually thought this was some reasonably decent conversation. I also think now that he's finally looked at the numbers it's quite the reality check. I don't know if he'll ever look back and admit this is also his issue...and that's why I was working so much overtime. (which he blamed me for! not enough time spent with his family!) It's actually a relief to finally have dumped some of this load and stress over to him. I'm sure his sister is on his case. She is aware (from our previous conversations) how little interest/discussion he ever took in our money.

But, this morning, I'm in a spot where I need to talk. I woke up in the night and thought "once we've done this agreement, and the financials, there's no reason for us to stay in touch". So even though I said this divorce wasn't going to be busted, I still have hope. I don't want to lose touch with him. I know it's his journey. There's part of me that's still thinking "we can do this". I don't know how much of this is MLC, and how much is just unhappy WAS. Either way, I know, I have to do the same things. GAL, PMA etc. But I'm seriously feeling down this morning. Had trouble getting out of bed.