So, it's been a long time since I posted. I don't know why, just life I guess.
Summary: BD was Oct '16 and H finally MO in March '17. The months between were terrible. I can't even describe what it felt like. I was a non-person. I would walk into a room, he would walk out. If we had to be in the same room, he would be as physically far away as possible. If we touched accidentally, he would flinch. If we spoke, it would be with simmering anger and resentment. Nothing but disdain and resentment. And pain. Mine and his. We were still intimate, about the only times we physically touched during those months, but it was always desperate, almost angry and after, the sadness would come in.
Like many here, I wanted to save my marriage. Like many here, I was broken and in no state to save anything other than myself. I gave it a good go anyway. I desperately begged him to stay, then I desperately begged him to come home and in between my periods of begging, I shot anger bombs at him, called him names, hated him.
We have not spoken to him about 'us' since Christmas although we speak almost daily (children and logistics). There are no arguments, but there are also no conversations. Some things have reversed. It is me who walks out of the room, me who stands on the far side of the room, me who walks around him, me who avoids his eyes. His resentment is still there but now there is an unhealthy dose of resentment on my side. We can have a conversation for a bit before his resentment comes out ... passive aggressive judgement filled questions/statements ... so it is easier to not engage. I respond by not responding. There are no more friendly texts, no casual questions regarding "how was your day".
I am no closer to finding closure. There has not been, nor has there ever been, any real discussion of divorce. I am still living in, and paying for the family home. I hear (from the children) that he wants to move into a house around the corner.
Last edited by job; 08/15/1912:45 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
