So, I wanted to hit on a couple of things from earlier on than I never responded to.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Sandi2 is very wise. Read her words above again multiple times and get everything she says burned into your mind.
I was bomb dropped 10 years ago. I was with my wife for 18 years. I have been on these boards for a long time.
Here is what I believe:
"Set her free" to get her back. Set her free to get her back. Set her free to get her back.
Most newbies take to long to do this. She is wayyyyyy ahead of you. You need to get ahead of her. She is very predictable. Spend enough time reading here and you should be able to predict everything she will do and have a plan on how to respond appropriately.
"I do not want to be with a woman who does not want to be with me"
I am not saying you do this immediately but you should quickly get to a point where you understand why I am recommending this:
H:"W, we need to talk" W:"OK" H:"W, I have thought about what you said the other day, and I agree. This is not working for me either. I think it is best that you start looking for a place to live."
#1) You tell her you listened to her. #2) By agreeing, you validate how she feels. #3) You let her know that you understand it is not working for her #4) You let her know that it is not working for you. #5) You as the man are leading. No stuck in limbo. #6) She wants out, you are not standing in the way. #7) she wants out, she moves out. #8) you are creating distance for her to pursue you
This reply from R2C along with comments about bring in the "friend zone" and limbo with my sitch. Earlier on, my wife was only home from Sunday evening until she goes to work Wednesday, and then spending the rest of the week with her "friends" or who ever, I really don't care at this point. Last week, she was home Thursday as well and this week, I know she'll at least be home Saturday too, although it may only be because I need to go to the DMV with her because of the registration for the new car she bought herself.
To get back on subject, I'm really getting tired of this limbo and not knowing where this is all going. When she's here, we talk, I joke with her, she laughs, everything is really pleasant. I have no idea what she wants, if she has a plan or if I'm included. I'm getting to the point I want her to decide one way or the other, separate and stop living under the same roof or work on the M. With her living away from me, I feel I can get on with my life and go dark and if she makes up her mind to include me in her life, I would be willing to work on the M, otherwise I just keep doing what I need to do for myself.
I guess my concern with not knowing anything is I don't know if she's just playing house until something better comes along, or if she's in the process of getting a place to move to, whether with a friend or on her own with no concern that I can't afford the house we're in without her. Or maybe she's just confused and questioning everything, not really knowing what she wants or whether she wants to work on the M.
I'm in no hurry to go either way with this, just something I'm considering.
I just feel if I push to either work on the M or we need to separate, I'll be taking the lead and getting thing moving one way or the other. I just don't know how long I can live like married friends. It also won't be a quick separation we have to sell the house first. Although I do see if I push for one or the other, it'll most likely be a separation since I'm sure she's not to the point of working on anything. But, I don't think she can afford to live on her own since she just bought a new car and she'd have to get her own insurance. Then I have the concern that maybe she would choose to work on the M to buy her some time to come up with a plan to move on without me. I don't know how I could tell if she was genuine in her wanting to work on the M.
But is it also possible that this may get her thinking about seriously reconsidering stay in the M and working on it? I just don"t know......
Something else on my mind is that my son goes to basic for the Air Force in November and my daughter's in the Navy, so anything that comes up with them and graduations, my wife and I will both be attending. This whole situation also makes the visits home for the holidays that much more stressful....
