Everyone thinks their sitch is different, but they are usually quite similar. She said that to you so that you would work on what she wants you to work on and you are REELING! You think there's a chance... the best thing you could do is slightly open your mouth, shake your head twice and say "Uh huh, well I want what's best for the kids."
I’m not saying my situation is different. I use the fact that it’s very similar to my advantage. I was just saying that I think our MC is different based on what I’ve read on here. It seems to be very helpful when we are in there. I am doing that in MC. I don’t really speak unless it is to ask for examples to understand. I then validate and apologize when necessary. It’s been very good. I have also had the opportunity to let her know all I want is what’s best for our son. Right now, she feels D is the answer. Both the MC and I feel that it is not, so we are working through her issues.
I know she’s not ready to listen to mine yet, but I did feel like she was close.
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
It almost seems as if the pursuit isn't working? Have you considered pursuing harder? Maybe text her every hour? Billboard? TV ad? Haha you get my drift? You need stop feeling so much and start thinking. Pursuit isn't working. She is separated. That ACTION tells you everything you need to know about her position in regards to a romantic relationship with you.
You are right. I usually don’t have many feelings, until I wen through this situation. I’ve felt more feelings than I even knew I had! I’m learning new ways of dealing with them. I feel like my pursuit is only in talking about our R, which I know I shouldn’t be doing. As long as we are having good conversations and moving in the right direction, I don’t need too. It’s only when she’s mad at me that I feel like I need too. I’m working on that now.
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
If you want to run her off as quickly as possible, you can continue this path. What do you think is going to come of this? She probably wonders why you can't hear her, and frankly I am too. I wouldn't even discuss it in MC. Just let her talk and you listen. Keep your feelings to yourself. Quit being her adversary. Quit being her H. Just be a "co-parent" and move on with your life. Where is your GAL. You should be out and about A LOT.
It’s been hard, but she has told me that she doesn’t care about my feelings, so I’ve stopped showing them. I’m still in the process of lovingly detaching, but it is hard! I do need to quit being her H, but I just don’t know how to do that. Any advice?
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
You are all over the place. You are in the middle of a divorce. Who filed? It seems like you are pushing it along, no? Just respect her choice to separate. Do your own thing. Stop pursuing. This is not in your hands. Let it go. Woosah. Put all this energy you have into work, gym, social life, build something, play a sport, get a new haircut, lose weight, reinvent yourself, get back to your roots. Get it? Quit playing the victim. And after you do that for a while you'll want to change that name from HurtHusband to HappyMan.
I am trying not to be all over the place. Honestly, I’m trying to be consistent. Thank you for pointing this out to me. She filed for D and I am definitely NOT trying to push it along. I want it to stop!
I definitely have a life. I actively work out, play golf, hang out with friends and travel somewhat. My GAL activities are great. I even use work as GAL. It is not in my hands and I am trying to just let it go.
Thanks for the advice. I am truly just trying to do all that I can, including nothing, to fix this situation.
