She has stated that if it were not for OM we would be working on the R.
Just throwing you a crumb to soften the blow on you.
Quote
I'm sure I made her happy before she left so my best hope is that the A fizzles out.
As long as she knows you are Plan B then if that "affair" fizzles out there will be another and another. By the way is OM married? If not then it's not really an A so much as a new R? Anyway you've got to remove yourself from Plan B status. She's got to think she will lose you before she'll consider wanting you back. Have you ever seen Swingers? This scene is spot-on:
MIKE And what if I don't want to give up on her?
ROB You don't call.
MIKE But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her.
ROB Right.
MIKE So I don't call either way.
ROB Right.
MIKE So what's the difference?
ROB The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back.
MIKE So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her.
ROB Right.
MIKE Well that [censored].
ROB It [censored].
MIKE So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her.
ROB Right...or more likely the opposite.
MIKE Right... Wait, what do you mean?
ROB I mean first you'll pretend not to care, not call - whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care.
MIKE Unless she comes back first.
ROB Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore.
MIKE There's the rub.
ROB There's the rub.
Quote
Does anyone think that this is a time for a grand gesture - e.g. a honeymoon with or without a marriage. I wonder whether OM would even object under the circumstances since it's such a new relationship and I would make her very happy. Grand gestures don't seem to be recommended here but surely there must be times when it counts. Thoughts anybody?
I think you need to quit trying to compete with OM and leave her to it. Just work on being the best you that you can be. Leave her be, go as dark as you can.
