My wife and I have been going to MC for about 8 sessions so far. It had been going really well. We were communicating more positively and having more meaningful conversations outside of therapy. We were really getting back to where we should have always been, though we were still a long way from being there yet.
An example, when we were chatting during webchat, I felt she was comfortable enough for me to ask her to send a picture of her at her cousins wedding so I could see how pretty she looked in her dress. She smiled and said she would and she knows I would want to see it. As soon as she said that, I tried getting off the phone but she interrupted me and corrected herself. Her eyes popped out of her head and she said she couldn’t do that for me but would send pictures for our son to see. It would be weird sending them to me because were separated. I just laughed and said ok and got off the phone.
I’m addition, she’s dropped saying D and S. Instead, she’s talking about the future and what that would look like either way. She only wants to have R conversations in MC. That’s just not enough for me emotionally, but I am trying to continue to work on detaching. I still like to have them, though.
So we had a lot of stuff happen during all of this.
Our MC took 3 weeks off and this is what happened during the time he was off. He was booked this week, so we won’t get in again until late next week, so that’s 3-4 weeks of no therapy which is not a good thing
My L had to send her L discovery papers. Since we’ve been working on building trust and communication, I didn’t want her L to tell her this information, so I did. Her heart sank just like mine did when I was told they were sent. It was like the wind got sucked out of our sails. She got angry with me again even after I explained that I had no control over it. She originally said she was mad because of my timing, but she has mentioned doing the discovery papers several times since. She hasn’t mentioned the timing again. I feel like she got so upset because we were in a good place and she felt in control. She realized she wasn’t when that got all taken away.
In addition to getting the papers, she apparently spent the weekend working on them. She was very short with me and said that it was making her remember all the old memories and feeling he had when she was so upset with me. I apologized to her and said I was sorry she had those feelings, but she could just end this whole D thing if she wants. She laughed and said she wasn’t going to do that right now. So I told her it was her decision.
There was a wedding this weekend and so all of her family came in and stayed at her house, which is really our house. That’s a bad thing because I’m sure her parents are very negatively influencing her on our relationship and neither of us have had anyone to talk to for almost a month.
I brought up the D thing because my point wasn’t trying to pressure, it was to make her see that she was in control of her feelings and this process. Because of her parents involvement, I’m not sure that she knows it’s her decision. Sandi mentioned that she felt as though my W is very immature and she really is immature.
Because of where we were and what we’ve been working on in MC, I’ve been asking about her day, etc. in a very harmless and non threatening tone. I’m not trying to pry or anything, but she took it that way this weekend. In addition, she continues to try to push my buttons. I know that my work on detaching is working as I don’t think I fell for it at all. Instead, I told her why I was doing it and my motive behind it. She didn’t have a response because it was so spot on there really wasn’t much to say.
Because of her reaction this weekend, I’ve decided to shut down again and let her come back to me. I’m trying to enforce my boundaries.
