I used to think of it that way too, Family Man. As 'ploys'. There are lots of times that I feel affectionate or needy or upset or mournful and I never ever let my H see anything other than calm, confident, mildly friendly but not attached these days, no matter how I feel. I don't consider this a ploy or manipulative, I consider it a shield of privacy. I have friends who know my heart. I know my own heart. I'm as frank as I can be here. But I show my heart to people who have earned the right to see it. My H has not got that right yet, and the jury is out as to whether he ever will. He needs to make the changes for himself and his own well being and in his own best judgement, not as a ploy to get a certain reaction out of me. I hope that's what he's doing, but only time will tell. I spend more time with him now he speaks to me respectfully than I did when he wasn't able to. He knows 100% that any disrespect from him will involve an immediate end to the conversation and me leaving the situation (I still don't let him spend much time in my home - that's my space and sanctuary). I think in our case actions have spoken much more loudly than words.
