Thanks Family Man. I don't get the impression that he's confused or impatient - he seems to be dead set on putting his own mental health and wellbeing first, then his relationships with the children - he isn't pushing for R or to live with me at all. I think that's appropriate given our history - his own head needs to be straight and he needs to be the best father he can be, and then we'll see where we are when he's done that work. I don't get a sense he's frustrated either. I know he wishes I'd trust him a bit more and not always read the worst possible motivation into the changes he's making - but he also accepts I have excellent reason to be wary and things can go at my pace, or not at all. I think you're right about complacency though. It would be very easy for me to get complacent in my own changes and go back to pacifying and placating him for the sake of peace, and lose sight of what I actually want and need for myself. It would also be very easy at the moment to go towards him emotionally, and get that unhealthy dependent dynamic that really damaged our old marriage. I want to be okay in myself no matter what changes he does and doesn't make and there's work for me to do there, and work on not getting complacent about what I've already done.
