Sandi, isn't there a real risk here of her "getting a thrill" out of being sneaky and bad with bff again and rekindling the wayward mindset? She has always been a bit of stubborn, rebellious sort to begin with, even as that is at odds with her "good girl" Catholic upbringing. I really feel like she needs a good sharp rap on the knuckles with a ruler or something, here, to remind her...
Okay, let's start with the Bible. It tells of Adam's fall in the garden of Eden, and one of the consequences was that Adam's descendants would inherit his same old sin nature. So, when we were physically born, we got a little something from Adam. Salvation is a spiritual birth. It gives eternal life and a new nature. However, salvation didn't do away with the our old sin nature we inherited. Therefore, we struggle with two natures.
I told you quite some time ago that I felt your W's true issue was a spiritual one. If she has been saved, and if she still holds some thread of rebellion in her Catholic "good girl" upbringing, I think she struggles with those two natures. I also think she loves you, and wants to be M to you, but when she gets around those "friends" and that environment, it beacons the bad girl to come out and play.
Every person has an area of strength, and an area of weakness. The smart thing, IMHO, is to recognize your weakness and work to get stronger, which usually start by avoiding the avenues that tempt the weakness. As an observer, this desire to be a "bad girl" sometimes, is her weak area. I think you would agree that her BFF is not a good influence on your W. She encourages her bad side to come out and play. So, as long as she continues to hang around friends that live a wayward type lifestyle, I believe she will be tempted...........b/c she doesn't seem to be strong enough.......or she simply doesn't want to tell them she is not going back to that bar, and she's not going to do whatever it is they do after they start drinking.
A new person on the board could read all your threads, and I think they would see a local place that seem to be a hot bed of temptation. I'm talking about your favorite bar. Now, you have defended it to the sky and back, but the way I see it, neither of you should be going there. As I recall, you stopped posting when the subject turned on you a female bartender that worked in this particular bar. And this was right after reconciling with your W! You thought it was kind of funny and brushed it off, and that's when you stopped posting.
So now, your W is still going to that same bar? Like, she goes there alone? I know you wrote extensively about how that was your favorite hangout, etc., etc. It just seems linked to several things that has happened during the past, and maybe currently.
As a recovering WW, I believe she has to put her big girls panties on and establish very clear boundaries for how she will conduct herself as a lady, a married woman, and a Christian. A recovering WW (who had some type of an A, or engaged in GGW stuff) is like anyone else who deals with a particular addiction. You can't go back into that old environment, engage in those activities. etc. You have to stay away, and work on getting stronger and affair proofing your MR as best that you can. And in her case, I'd start by staying away from those old haunts.......and those old friends who want to pull her back into that situation.
If she sees nothing wrong with what they do on a girl's night out, and has no intentions of finding a better group of ladies for friends, and/or if she doesn't have the strength to tell her current BFF and friends that she isn't going to that particular bar, or go bar hopping all night.........then I think there will always be a degree of risk involved. What's with these gals who want to hang out at bars? Anyway, the combination of the BFF influence and something about that bar plays on the weak area of your W. I can't give all the blame to the BFF. During the time when your W was staying for the wine down after work, she again, seemed to see nothing wrong with it. If it had continued, I think she was on her way of allowing things to really get out of hand. (Of course, this was before you reconciled). So, she has to stop taking part in these types of settings. I think we've talk before about how she sees no red flags or lives by certain boundary lines........and this gets her into trouble. This is a woman with two grown boys, so by now, she should be able to see the need to set boundaries for herself.
If you feel everything has been great, and suddenly the old girl friends shows up and they go to the old hangout........problems arise. To me, it seems clear where the problem lies, and it doesn't have anything to do with you, in her way of thinking. It's as if she just wants these few hours to be free and do whatever she feels like doing. I actually feel she is heavily influenced to go along with the group and don't be a party- pooper. They might even tease her about texting you every few minutes. Maybe they pressured her into turning off her phone.........who knows. It all comes down to her not standing up against it and saying I'm not going to partake in it.
So, let me ask if you and your W have been attending Church regularly? Is she getting good food for her soul? This may sound preachy, but she needs to be around sources of good influence. Make friends with people who don't go to bars to hang out. IMHO, your W needs to stay away from the bar environment. She has no business going there by herself. I think the people she chooses to hang out after work, go spend weekends, and overnight things, have to stop b/c it feeds that weakness and desire to be a bad girl. She (and you) may defend her actions, but she knows it's wrong......and that's why it appeals to her.
It's like the story of feeding the two wolves. The two wolves, being the two natures we have. The one that is fed the most, will become the stronger. The fact that the two of you have had a great honeymoon period is wonderful and your story should be inspiring for others who need some hope. However, the story doesn't end as long you continue living. I don't know what happened that night her phone was off, but she seems as though she feels guilty about something. I don't think you should continue to wait before asking her about it. Your mind will create much worse crimes than probably really happened. I'm not good with words, but Another Stander is excellent in how to address something this sensitive.
I keep repeating myself, but I really do think she needs to make a decision to conduct herself like a married woman, and a Christian lady (if she claims to be Christian) and stop going out and engaging in activities that cause suspicion, and bring up bad memories, etc. The more she continues feeding that wolf, it will get stronger and do damage to the MR.
My suggestion is to call your MC and get her advice, or go ahead and approach your W. I know how you roll things around in your head, and you have been a little cool.......so she knows something is up. Next thing, she will start being cool back to you, and things will start going downhill. So, get the thorn out now! Don't end up sleeping in separate beds again. (((hugs)))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It tells of Adam's fall in the garden of Eden, and one of the consequences was that Adam's descendants would inherit his same old sin nature. So, when we were physically born, we got a little something from Adam. Salvation is a spiritual birth. It gives eternal life and a new nature. However, salvation didn't do away with the our old sin nature we inherited. Therefore, we struggle with two natures. 
